Sex at the Fair: It’s Not Just Barn Animals

You can see a lot of things at State Fairs that you might really not want to. Animals being born. Fat girls in spandex. Carnies with fewer bolts holding their rides together than teeth.

At the 2017 Wisconsin State Fair in West Allis (119 miles to the Dells), one couple took ‘Things You Wish You Could Unsee’ to the next level, being caught having sex at a fair concession seating area. Being caught on video, actually, which was then shared on Facebook.

The pair apparently knew they were being filmed, with Robert Beasley, 28, appearing to actually wave to the camera at one point. Normal behavior for someone who wrestles on the Wisconsin Professional Wrestling circuit under the moniker “Bobby Valentino,” I guess.

Desiree Anderson, his partner in crime, and Beasley were apparently married…at least at one point. Both appeared to be out of jail shortly after the incident, although the case is under review.

And I’m to go take a shower…in lye.

 

Naked Burglar Drinks Whiskey, Eats Muffins, Takes Nap

Bradley T. Braxton of Oshkosh, Wisconsin (83 miles from the Dells) knows how to party.

Braxton was arrested on Saturday, July 15 in Appleton, Wisconsin (103 miles from the Dells) after being found sleeping in a bed of a house he had broken into. Police found him hiding in a shower enclosure in the house after the arrived.

It was discovered that Braxton had helped himself to some of the victim’s whiskey and blueberry muffins before stripping down to take a nap in the bed. While Marijuana was found near his clothes, Braxton drew the line there–he acknowledged the breaking and entering, and the whiskey and muffins (and recent meth usage), but claimed the pot wasn’t his.

Braxton was booked into the Outagamie County Jail, with police requesting charges of Burglary, Damage to Property, Disorderly Conduct, and Possession of Marijuana. He also faces bail jumping charges, as he was out on bond for a separate incident.

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Perfectly Timed Painting Break Leads to Illicit Water Tower Message

OK, so this one happened a bit ago, but still fun nonetheless…

Painters working on a water tower in Sussex, Wisconsin (113 miles to the Dells) stopped painting mid-way through the a project of repainting the city name on the water tower to let the paint dry.

Of course, they started with the last half of the city’s name–so for a day, or so, the tower spelled out ‘sex.’

Of course, not everyone was amused.

Jessica Bruss told the television station she “almost drove off the road” when her 8-year-old son pointed out the word as they drove past the water tower Wednesday on their way to his first baseball game.

Bruss says the unfinished paint work may be funny for adults, but added: “People should remember that kids are seeing it.”

Bringing Back Road Beers

In yet another story that the headline made me think Wisconsin, a lawmaker in Montana is trying to repeal the ban on road beers in his state.

Not for drivers, mind you–but for passengers.

House Rep. Daniel Zolnikov (R-Billings, approximately 14 hours, 39 minutes from the Dells), sponsored the bill.

“The argument was made — how about if it tempts the driver?” Zolnikov said. “That’s like saying (designated drivers) shouldn’t go to bars in case they’re tempted to have a drink. Where is the self-responsibility? This isn’t allowing for people to drink and drive, it’s allowing a passenger to have a beer.”

Zolnikov is a 29 year old from Roundup, Montana (14 hours, 50 minutes from the Dells), meaning he was roughly 18 years old when Montana passed a statewide open container ban in 2005.

While the bill has been debated, the next hearing has not yet been scheduled.

Grilled Cheese Violence is a Thing in 2017

So far, 2017 has seen Grilled Cheese Violence in the news more than I’ve seen in…the 39 years I’ve been on the earth. And the only real surprise is that only one of the two stories happened in Wisconsin.

A man in Brookfield, Wisconsin (1 hour, 45 minutes from the Dells) was arrested on January 9th for pulling a gun on, attempting to sexually assault and holding a woman against her will–after the woman refused to eat a grilled sandwich he made her.

The victim apparently went to Justin Hasting’s home after receiving a Snapchat message, and upon arrival asked for a grilled cheese sandwich, as he was cooking. She claims he then pulled a small black pistol and pressed it against her forehead, and attempted to sexually assault her.

His version–she refused to eat the grilled cheese he made her, so he admits he pulled the gun–but he said it was a pellet gun, which he had emptied in front of her earlier.

Hastings faces one count of attempted first degree sexual assault/use of a dangerous weapon and one count of false imprisonment.

Meanwhile, in other grilled cheese violence news–a man in Baltimore, Maryland, is facing attempted murder charges after firing multiple rounds through the basement floor of his house (as in, he was in the basement) while his wife was making dinner. The reason? She had taken a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich.

When she checked on him, he had surrounded himself with guns & ammunition–which, of course he was barred from owning, due to prior assault convictions. This led to a 3-hour standoff with police.

Apparently, people are making more extravagant grilled cheese than I make.

Man Arrested for Belly Flopping…onto Cars

In the grand scheme of things, this story certainly isn’t that big of a deal–it’s surprising that it actually got coverage on a (fairly) sizable, regional news site.

A 25-year-old man from Kimberly, Wisconsin (2 hours, 1 minute from the Dells) was arrested on New Year’s Eve for belly flopping onto the windshield of a police car. The incident was caught on their dash cam.

The officers where in the area responding to reports of a man…jumping on cars. Sometimes, the crooks just don’t make it difficult on you.

The man, who police reported had been drinking (NO!), was treated for minor injuries at the hospital, and was being held at the Winnebago County jail and multiple charges are pending. The officers were also treated for minor injuries suffered from arresting the suspect–no word on whether they were sore abs from laughing at the suspect.

Pilot Congratulates Football Fans on Flight

A pilot flying a plane full of predominantly football fans from one city into the city that their team was playing last week jumped on the PA system to congratulate the fans for consuming ALL of the alcohol on the plane.

The surprising part of the story? The flight originated from Oakland, not Green Bay.

Then again, I’m guessing most Packer fans would prefer to drive to road games–especially in Kansas City–so they can bring their own cooler along, and make sure that they’ve got their preferred brand on hand…despite what this article says (link). I swear, I thought drinking Bud products in Wisconsin was as popular as drinking Pepsi in Atlanta, or drinking Miller products in St. Louis.

Texas School Lives Green Bay Dream

OK, maybe I’m a bit harsh on Wisconsin at times…and I’m not totally sure that this one qualifies, even in the “Shocked It’s Not Wisconsin” category. But what the hell, not that many people read the site (yet) anyway.

The school district in Katy, Texas (approximately 18 hours & 27 minutes from the Dells) achieved something that I’m guessing many in Green Bay (and surrounding areas) probably wouldn’t even bat an eye at, in spending $12 million of a budget surplus on upgrades to a football stadium that is under construction, while ignoring over crowding in their elementary schools.

Voters had previously approved an incredible $58 million to build a new football stadium, the most expensive in the United States. With little fanfare, the school board added another $9 million to the budget, and finally added another $3 million to correct issues that were made in the planning process of the stadium–it was this latest sum that finally drew the attention of the media.

Meanwhile, the district is in desperate need of more space in their schools, with district COO estimating that they may need four elementary schools, two junior highs and a high school added to the district. A recently opened elementary school opened in the district cost $30 million, meaning the additions to the stadium plan alone could have paid for over a third of the cost of a new stadium.

And in Green Bay?  Residents probably suggest that the school just sell shares of a “ownership stock” to pay for it all…

Youth Coach Fired for Playing 19-Year Old

Photo Credit: ©Kevin Stockwell, Pascoag, RI

Photo Credit: ©Kevin Stockwell, Pascoag, RI

The Capital City Buccaneers of the Rhode Island Preteen Football League (about 18 hours, 1 minute from the Dells) were booted from the league after their coach decided to try to sneak a player who was 19 years old (one of the actual player’s older brothers) onto the field. The league has teams with players ranging from 9 to 14–the game in question was for 13-14 year olds.

The Buccaneers had another team (maybe their younger team) and a cheer squad, which were also booted from the league for the rest of the year.

“He wasn’t thinking, and that’s all that he could tell me, was that he was not thinking,” team founder Alexandra Diaz said.

The Buccaneers can reapply to be a part of the league next year. According to Diaz, the coach responsible has been fired and the varsity team has been banned for the remainder of its season.

Three thoughts from all this:

    1. Football in Rhode Island suddenly seems way more serious than I would have expected…team founder? Cheer squad for youth teams? Varsity tied in? Almost sounds like soccer in the UK…
    2. It’s surprising this didn’t happen in a state that is generally considered a football hotbed, like Texas or Pennsylvania…or a state where there just isn’t that much else going on and they take football way more serious than they should (looking at you, Wisconsin)…
    3. Anyone seen the vastly underrated (difficult to do for a Rob Schneider/David Spade movie) Benchwarmers?