Bowling Ball Cannon Kills Horse; Charges Filed

Another one that I just don’t quite know how I missed it…

Lisa Kroll felt her house shake on July 4th of last year, and assumed it was neighbors lighting off fireworks. When she went to her barn the next day, she found out it was something…slightly different.

In her barn, she discovered a bowling ball had gone through the roof–and apparently struck a 10-month old horse in the head and killed it. She found six more bowling balls and three bowling pins in her field. Estimated damages to the barn were $4,000, and the horse was valued at $10,000.

Turns out, one of her neighbors had a little get together, which included a guest bringing a homemade cannon, from which they shot a total of 10 bowling balls and 10 bowling pins out of. For ‘merica.

He admitted that he had shot the cannon, and was sorry that the ordinance made it to Kroll’s property–nearly a half mile away. Still, Ricky Thorne of Spring Valley, Wisconsin, is lucky that he only faced charges of recklessly endangering safety and negligent handling of a weapon–Kroll had guests sleeping in campers outside the barn.

St. Croix County Attorney Eric Johnson said in 34 years of prosecuting cases, it was the first time he had a case of someone shooting bowling balls out of a cannon–although, likely not the first cannon related incident he’s seen.

Couple Held Hostage…by Cat

Details are a bit sparse on this one right now, but a couple weeks back (Friday, June 17th to be exact), a Milwaukee area couple called 911 to report that they were being held hostage…by their cat.

“This is going to sound like a strange question, but we have a cat and it’s going crazy and it’s attacked my husband, we’re kind of hostages in our own house.

“We’re just wondering who we should call to do something, get rid of the cat, or help us.”

No one was hurt in the incident…except maybe the cat, who was turned over to Milwaukee Area Domestic Animal Control Commission (MADACC). And before you PETA folks get all mad and threaten to burn down the MADACC, that’s rampant speculation on my part–for all I know, they sent little Garfield on to terrorize another family.

Parents Arrested for Teaching Child to Drive

Deputies in western Wisconsin arrested a 32 year old woman and her 36 year old boyfriend for teaching her daughter to drive.

Just because her daughter was nine years old. And they were both more than twice the legal limit. And there was a toddler in the vehicle.

Drivers along a rural road near Amery, Wisconsin, called in reports of seeing a truck swerving. Deputies found the truck at a boat launch along the Apple River, where they prevented the truck from rolling on to the ice.

The officers took the family first to the hospital–the woman had suffered a laceration on her hand, reportedly while snowmobiling–where she continued to swear, swing and kick at them. The couple was then taken to jail, while the kids were placed with other family members.

When questioned about the 9-year old driving, the child’s mother reportedly told police that she was just practicing her driving, noting that “[Children] used to in the 1950s.”

Never mind that she was born in the early to mid 80’s.

The couple now faces felony charges for recklessly endangering safety and child neglect–but they are not being charged with DWI.

Christmas Music Ruins Black Sabbath Holiday Party

I must have missed this one with all the talk of Making a Murderer and the supposed issues in Manitowoc County.

Christopher Gamboeck was having a drink or three over the holidays at the Farm Tavern Bar (and yes, it appears to be a bar that is themed like a farm…amazingly in the capital city of Wisconsin), when the bartender decided that they needed more of a Christmas atmosphere, rather than the Black Sabbath music he was listening to.

The logical reaction, of course, when someone turns off Black Sabbath, would be to down your beer, swear at her, and then throw the bottle at the bartender’s head. Followed of course by trying to get behind the bar (to change the music back?), and on your way out the door, pulling down a Christmas tree breaking ornaments.

Don’t forget to top it off by getting arrested, make “gender based obscenities” at a female police officer, and be charged with disorderly conduct and criminal damage to property charges.

Pretty standard Christmas in Wisconsin.

Possibly the best part of the story? This review, posted on their Facebook page after the incident:

If anything, that bartender deserves to be arrested for insulting rock and roll royalty/gods.

This is why Russia thinks we’re pussies. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Another All You Can Eat Kerfuffle

OK, this didn’t happen in Wisconsin–it happened across the border in Illinois…but I thought it was hilarious, because when you think of all you can eat deals ending in arrests, you usually think fat guys in Wisconsin.

Not so much in this case–police were called to a Denny’s in Oak Lawn, Illinois, when a patron flipped out over their all you can eat flapjacks deal. Apparently 27-year-old Natasha West didn’t understand it was all SHE could eat, not her friends at the table.

West started yelling at the server and attempted to go Ronda Rousey Holly Holm on her, when informed she couldn’t share her hot cakes. None of her punches were landed, but West and her party decided to leave without paying.

Police were called, West’s party was tracked down, one of her friend’s paid, and West was arrested for assault and damage to property, as she decided to kick the door several times on her way out.

Proving once again that Wisconsin isn’t the ONLY place crazy stuff happens.

 

Vodka & Formula Send Infant to Hospital

A one-month old infant in Kenosha, Wisconsin, was was taken to the Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin in Milwaukee Monday after the child’s mother accidentally used vodka instead of water when mixing the baby’s formula.

The 20-year-old mother told officers she didn’t know that the baby’s father had filled a water bottle with vodka before she used it to mix the baby’s formula.

The couple then got into an argument, and the 22-year-old man was arrested and charged with domestic abuse, as well as other charges.

The child, who measured a blood alcohol level of 0.29 (as the media always seems to like to point out, more than three times the legal limit to drive in Wisconsin), is expected to be fine.

Which means it’s alright to make the obvious joke that she’ll grow up to regularly reach the same BAC in her adult years.

Naked Drunk Man Found Inside Post Office

Police in Allenton, Wisconsin (79.3 miles to the Dells) recently discovered something at the local post office location that was not on the Wanted posters.

Washington County Sheriff’s Office received a report around 4am on Wednesday, August 12th, that there was a naked man in the Allenton Post Office. Officers arrived to discover a 29-year old from Addison, his clothes scattered in the lobby. He had no recollection of where he was or how he got there.

Unsurprisingly, preliminary breath tests showed he was under the influence, and the alcohol may have reacted with prescription medication. He was cited for disorderly conduct and released to a “responsible” party.

Nude Driver Leads Destructive Car Chase

Police in Waukesha, Wisconsin, had an interesting night earlier in August, when a Ford Ranger crashed through a chain link fence and crashed into two police cruisers, then sped off.

The police pursued the truck, but the suspect lost control of his truck, and crashed into one of the cars a second time. And sped away again.

After narrowly missing a head-on collision with another vehicle, he lost control again, this time rolling his truck after hitting a fixed barrier. When police arrived at the crash scene, they found the broken truck, and a man walking away from it. Completely naked, of course.

The officers deployed “less lethal ammunition” in apprehending the suspect, and hauled him off to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. No word on charges at the time the story was written, but it was believed that the suspect was involved in a domestic dispute and high on LSD at the time of the incident.

Milwaukee Driver Too Drunk for Breath Test

Milwaukee County sheriff’s deputies say a man they had pulled over Sunday for driving the wrong way on a major highway was too drunk to take an alcohol breath test.

Let’s repeat that, let that sink in–too drunk to take a breath test.

He was arrested on possible probable charges of recklessly endangering safety and other counts. Fortunately, he was only 33 years old, so they probably will file these charges. Authorities said the Milwaukee man was too intoxicated to “maintain consciousness” for the breath test.

In other Wisconsin drinking news, I saw one of these shirts out at a bar in Downtown Minneapolis this weekend…

So I have to wonder, was this guy in Milwaukee “Drinking Wisconsinably,” or just Driving Wisconsinably?